(Click on a headshot below to be taken to that person’s bio)



Em Reaves – Emmylou Harris (born April 2, 1947 in Birmingham, Alabama) is an American singer-songwriter and musician. She has released many chart-topping albums and singles over the course of her career, and has won 12 Grammys and numerous other awards. Born in Birmingham, Alabama, Emmylou Harris spent her childhood in North Carolina. In high school she also won a drama scholarship to the University of North Carolina at Greensboro, where she began to study music seriously, learning to play the songs of Pete Seeger, Bob Dylan, and Joan Baez on guitar. Leaving college to pursue her musical aspirations, she moved to New York, working as a waitress to support herself while performing folk songs in Greenwich Village coffeehouses. www.emmareaves.com

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NessaBWNessa Norich – is a Brooklyn-based theater artist devoted to the creation of innovative and challenging new works and forms of performance. Her work spans styles and mediums, including site-specific Shakespeare, political satire, documentary theater, immersive events and live concerts. Whichever form she chooses to explore, her primary interest is in the transcendental and ritualistic function of the theatre.

Nessa has collaborated on over a ten original works of theater internationally, at such notable venues as, the British Film Institute, the Battersea Arts Center & the Southbank Center in London, The Louvre in Paris and Joe’s Pub, Ars Nova, 59E59 and Dixon Place in New York City. She is thrilled to be joining the NY Neo-Futurists!!

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MirskyBWDaniel Isaak Mirsky*

*with additional notes

• 4½ T eternal flame

• 1 cup mortal coil

• ¾ cup vodka

• Pinch of sugar

• ¼ tsp. Baltic Sea salt

• 6 never ending questions

• 3½ cups milk


Put 3½ tablespoons eternal flame in a loving womb and cook over medium heat, swirling the womb until the eternal flame combusts and turns a bright golden maroon. Remove the womb from the heat and spoon off the golden light; discard the sediment. The light is cool. Touch it. It won’t burn you, yet.

Whisk together the mortal coil, vodka, sugar, and Baltic Sea salt in a large bowl just until combined. Whisk in the eternal golden light, followed by the 6 never ending questions and the milk. For convenience, pour the vessel into a pitcher with a spout. Cover the vessel with organic biodegradable clear wrap and refrigerate for at least 1 hour or, preferably, 9 months.

Set a large plate or a small baking sheet close to the stove and line it with clear wrap. Heat a 6- to 8-inch nonstick skillet or sauté pan over medium-high heat. In a separate pan, (not in the microwave,) melt 1 more eternal flame. Gently stir the vessel just to bring it together again.

Swirl a few drops of the golden light over the bottom of the hot pan. Lift the pan off the heat and pour in about 2 tablespoons of vessel, tilting the pan and swirling the skin so that it covers the bottom of the pan in a very thin, even layer. Return the pan to the heat and cook the vessel until it almost starts to bubble on top. Do not let any bubbles pop! Run a blunt knife or spatula around the edge of the skin, then lift the vessel up with your fingers and flip it over. Cook the second side for only about 20 seconds. Transfer the finished Mirsky vessel to the womb and repeat the process, dotting the pan with eternal light and gently stirring the skin on top of layers, until you’ve used all the vessel—you should have about a full Mirsky skin. Let the Mirsky cool.



• 1 wolf spirit

• 2 dime bags

• Finely grated zest and juice of 1 heart

• Salt and freshly ground pepper

• 1¼ lb. thinly sliced man flesh

• 1 3½-oz. (100-gram) persistence & perseverance


Stir together the wolf spirit, weed, heart zest, and heart juice; season with salt and pepper.

Put one vessel on the plate that you will be serving the Mirsky on. Spread the skin with some of the wolf spirit mixture. Add a layer of the man flesh over the wolf spirit and top with another skin. Repeat the layering until all of the vessel, wolf spirit, and man flesh have been used. Finish with some hair on top. (At this point, the Mirsky can be frozen, wrapped tightly in organic biodegradable clear wrap, for up to 2 weeks. Defrost in the crib before adding the persistence.) Spread a thin layer of perseverance on top. Refrigerate for at least 1 hour before serving. Or for a more professional appearance, dress the finished Mirsky in a fine suit, then use a jewish doctor to trim off the tip. Use a table saw to cut into wedges.

*Additional notes:

Daniel Mirsky is the only U.S. native born member of his family.  Daniel learned this at a young age and immediately began campaigning for his 2028 presidential election. VOTE MIRSKY! As a child Daniel broke apart all of his toys, usually with a hammer, so that he could build new motorized toys from their parts. Once when spending the night at his physicist grandmother’s, he asked her not to read him a bedtime story, but rather explain to him the mechanics of a nuclear chain reaction. Daniel slept very well that night. After completing university at Texas A&M, where he was first introduced to and enamored by the work of the Neo-Futurists, Daniel set off to NYC, where he became a greenpeace toting chugger while working as an actor, collaborator and artist.

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JoeyBWAn experiment…Email your bio to joey[at]nynf.org and he will post it here:

Leah Thorpe

Leah has parents. Leah has parents who do not support her lifestyle. Leah is co vice president of RPG club at her high school. Leah sings to drown out the voices in her head. Leah plays nine instruments. Leah plays in a marching band. Leah needs to do geometry homework. Leah sucks at math. Leah is almost 15. Leah has been in two musicals, the sound of music and Shrek!, both as an extra. Leah is overweight, but doesn’t care about it. Leah is gay, and loves it. Leah is gender neutral. Leah doesn’t give a fuck. Leah is human.

this is the essence of art.
~the stanley parable

Aziza Bayoumi

Aziza is a girl who lives in Toronto and doesn’t know what she wants or how to get it but she knows something. That something may or may not be how to make a pie graph using a protractor.

Kristen Carbone

Kristen Carbone was Born: Hot-As-Crap, serious
Date of Birth: 9 months after some kick ass Phil loving, donkey kong style

She went on to attend the Prestigious lower school “Sacred Heart” where two of
her professors were kicked out for fondling the wee students, but have no
fear!  Nay, no fear at all, she was in no way involved (so she says, ahem!).

After her mother removed her from this school she lived in Mexico for reasons
unknown, except she came back with astonishing skills at making gorditos in a
very short period, her record: 9 seconds!  But don’t eat too many–enough
said.  Well, perhaps not enough said, the stuff gives Diarrhea a new name.

Then she came back to Buffalo and went to middle school, hitting puberty
harder than a slap on the butt from this biographer.  Christ Almighty did she
hit puberty!  A lot of boys liked her–she didn’t partake in the nookie
because she is not a tard like some of those southerners that we see so often
on Ricki Lake.

Then she went to high school.  She won the highschool cross country
championship when “accidentily” entered into the wheel chair competition.  She
did so well here that she swam in the special olympics and was the only person
to finish the lap–no, I am merely kidding.  If you think I am funny, or
cruel, Kristen is much funnier.

Also, the buffalo bills came and watched Kristen during this time in shame
that they couldn’t keep their own eyes on the prize as she could.  The buffalo
bills suck, dear readers, as I am sure you know full well.  Especially that
Bruce Smith–dude should have taken his original career as dog
psychologist–at least there he would get to touch the red rocket.

At skidmore college she introduced Aliesha to me and promptly we eloped since
I am not really her type I had to kidnap her and take her to the harsh glacial
region of the French Alps, where we lived under the ice for months and made
two sweet babies, both named Kristen, because Kristen simply, essentially, is
my Goddess.

Now she works somewhere far away from you and I, but we trust she is okay, at
least that is what she says.  Whatever I will have you know about Kristen,
there is simply one word to describe her.  Hot.  No, not hot really.
Simultaneous.  No, ok, I’ve got it.  She is “not dumb”.

I wish you and yours all the best and remind you–once and for all–that
Carbone is more man that you will ever be!

Sincerely, utterly, perplexidly,
Mert Menglemier

“What we lack in style, we make up for in obscurity.”
-Tom Stoppard, Rosecrantz and Gildenstern are Dead.

Leah Farmer

Leah is often told that she is a people person, but she is not so sure. She knows she only likes smart people. Dumb people go in the category of cats, and Leah is definitely not a cat person. Leah’s last cat peed in her tub. In the free time that Leah does not have, she enjoys cooking, cleaning, and being barefoot and pregnant. In reality, she has never done any of those things, except at her theatre. Leah mops a mean bathroom and is often pregnant for the sake of improv. Currently she is wearing her hair in a “faux” hawk and is pleased to have a reason to say “faux” on a regular basis. Before this hair cut she had to bring “faux finishes” into conversations very “uneloquently”. Leah wishes that more people tipped well and that it was easier to be a lawyer. Studying for the LSAT is not nearly as interesting as studying for a drinking contest. Leah will accept all challenges to be in drinking contests, even though she is guaranteed to loose. Leah can be found on stage being silly every Thursday night. She is silly the rest of the time too…just nobody pays to see it. If you have a challenge, enjoy improv, or just want to see a bartender catch a water bottle in her cleavage, visit Leah at Whole World Theatre on Thursday, Friday, or Saturday. Remember to tip, because smart people do–and for crying out loud–don’t ask where the bathrooms are, otherwise Leah is going to mail you her cat. He just needs a new home!

Chris Diercksen

Chris Diercksen is a man like many other men. He is, at the time of writing this, and as many other men have been before, around 24 years of age. He has many strengths and many weaknesses. Some of those strengths and weaknesses are evident upon meeting him, such as his ability to get along with most anyone, and his inability to notice when he’s not getting along with someone. He’s from new jersey and doesn’t apologize for it. He’s not of Italian descent and doesn’t think of himself as anything more than American. Chris does a lot of theater in New York City and hopes to do it well enough to someday not have to do anything else with his time. He hopes to get married and have children but doesn’t want to do it just because. He hopes to really love someone enough to make an honest commitment to life partnership. But Chris isn’t ready for that big of a step right now, so don’t ask. He also likes Hockey enough to talk your ear off about it whether you like it or understand it or not. Chris knows how to juggle devil sticks.

Katie Rizzolo

Katie Rizzolo [Joey’s niece] lives in McLean,VA. She has not lived to see much of the world (One other country* other than the US to be exsact [sic]) so she can’t really say much here. She has seen many activities such as chorus, piano, flute, soccer, swimming etc. She is very active and has many trophies, two of which are very large. She is very afraid of natural disasters (terrified).

Josh Jacobs

Josh Jacobs was born in Ohio, but upon realizing that would make him a Cleveland Browns fan was moved to Washington DC before he was one year old and lived there for 25 years. He was appallingly ugly as a child and teenager, and drop dead stunning and brilliant as he got to his mid-20. Josh found he was going to have that annoying girl trouble when he wasn’t ugly and living alone for the prime years of his existence because he never learned how to court women in his youth…

He went to college a lot because he was smart, and still does. At 25, he had a quarter life crisis after he was rejected from being a high school teacher for being “too lectury” so he moved to New York City where he runs housing for a university so he can keep studying. The girl trouble remained in place during the move.

By sheer luck he found TMLMTBGB which, as far as Josh could tell, catered to him as if it was Broadway with a bad case of ADHD. Women like Jacquelyn Landgraf started giving him nametags that told him for that night alone he was Mr. Indifferent for that evening. Jeffrey tried his best but couldn’t stifle his laugh when Josh told him one night that his name was Darth Caedus, which means he is at best a closet geek and anyone else laughing is too. Josh goes to the show once a month or so.

Josh saw Joey’s penis during a play a few weeks back, and as he saw it the first thing that ran through his head was, “Huh, so that’s what Joey’s penis looks like.” It was replaced by the thought that if the field trip of residents of his building he had brought to the show had seen that play Josh probably would have been fired from his job at the housing department where he works. Josh still thinks it was a good play. Josh hopes to one day become a member of the cast and is secretly writing plays to audition with.

Caroline Claflin

Caroline Claflin was born Caroline Alice/Aliss Claflin in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania in the first month of 1987. Upon being born she was promptly swept away to Massachusetts, where she has since lived. Although she doesn’t remember seeing the city of Harrisburg, Caroline imagines it as something like Oz or the rugged mountains of Wyoming.

Caroline–an only child–was given free reign over all of the stuffed animals, afternoon tv programming, and food on the bottom half of the refrigerator without competition or protest. Her social skills lacking, Caroline enjoyed staying at home after school and drawing. At age 7, her favorite things to draw were dragons and cats in dresses. At 20, she prefers drawing large lumpy animals that resemble middle-aged men and people in improperly-fitted clothing.

When she was 7, her ideal occupations included paleontologist, grave digger, and animator.

When she was 10, Caroline was asked to spell her middle name. Her grandmother, Nancy “Gam” Allis Claflin, had come to visit for a weekend and one night, cornered Caroline and her parents in a room. Turning suddenly, Gam asked Caroline how to spell “Allizz” (note: here spelling has been changed to avoid resurgence of debate), the “middle name [they] share”. Despite frantic gestures from her parents, Caroline spelled “A-L-I-C-E”, the way she had been taught. Her grandmother feigned (?) sobs of misery at the tragic misnomer; Caroline has still never heard a stranger sound.

At 17, Caroline first tasted an egg.

At 18, she was accepted to RISD; she now lives in rhode island.

At 19, Caroline set on the career path to become an animator.

She has still not yet dug a grave or discovered a dinosaur.

“Joey” **

Joey was born in Acapulco, but moved to St. Petersburg at a young age. He eventually moved to the states as a teenager, but never quite lost his penchant for canals.

Joey believes that old people don’t know more than young people. He thinks it’s just had a longer time to sink in.

Joey wants to work the land. Joey thinks blood is the best sauce. Joey knows the third step is always, always to profit.

Finally, Joey has a bad case of the fuckits today, so he left his bio up to the whims of a faceless stranger from an unknown land. Joey is impulsive that way. Or curious. Or lazy. He’s never sure which it will be, or which it was at the time. It depends upon the weather. And how he’s feeling. And how much he has to memorize for next week’s show.

Chris Casquilho

Joey believes that less is more, and his favorite five-dollar phrase is “heuristic maxim.” Joey never, ever, ever stores turnips in his golden bowl.

Shami McCormick

Joey was last seen in the title role of the epic dramatization of Bernie Madoff, Made-off which toured the Federal Penitentiary System throughout New York State and Guam. Joey’s mellifluous voice is often heard on radio and television as the voice of Mr. Underpants, “It’s not right unless it’s tight”. Stage credits include Egg in Joe Egg, Nerd in The Nerd, the Corpse in Corpse. In the Japanese Soap Opera, East of Everything, Joey played the evil, western tycoon Sterling Merlot. As a five year veteran of the program, he was charged with murder once (acquitted), put on trial for mail fraud (two years imprisonment), survived three attempts on his life (poisoned sushi, a deranged sumo wrestler, exploding universal remote), and was married seventeen times (three times to the same woman, once to a man posing as a woman, once to his long-lost half-sister). He received the Japanese award for advertising excellence for his role as the spokes-duck for Yo-Yo Pools and Ponds. Joey currently lives outside of New York City with his family. He credits God, Stella and the Japanese Mafia for all the bounties that have come his way.

*This is one more country than the real Joey has ever been to.

**The identity of the author of this bio is unknown, but Joey admires the audacity of anyone (like Chris Casquilho & Shami McCormick) contacting him and choosing to pose AS him.

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DanBWDan McCoy

1975: Breathe.
1976: Walk.
1977: Words. Star Wars. Brother.
1978: Affinity for cats.
1979: Rocks can be toys. Toys can be food.
1980: Volcanic ash. Goats abound.
1981: Reading, more words. Adventures in film.
1982: Ms. McBroom’s trailer, or at least the forest behind it, is haunted. Ghost hunter.
1983: On stage at last: shepherd. Divorce.
1984: Move. Claw-foot tub.
1985: Challenger. Re-marry. First wedding I’m in is my parents’.
1986: Back to Portland. “Don’t do drugs.”
1987: First published story. First girlfriend. Yikes.
1988: Metallica. Dance instead of P.E.
1989: High school. Barely cracking 100lb. Already cracking a beer.
1990: Experiments in hetro-sexuality. And in theatre.
1991: Experiments in Mary Jane. And in songwriting.
1992: Breathe.
1993: Graduate. Bass monster in local indie band. No, for real.
1994: Community college. Experiments in higher ed.
1995: R&M. Tygre’s Heart. First homo encounter.
1996: Coffee-boy by day, theatre rat by night.
1997: Rinse and repeat.
1998: LA. First stall on the 101.
1999: Cheapo sci-fi movies in Burbank pay the bills.
2000: Y2K: WTF? Adventures in rave.
2001: Elephant Theatre. Habits starting to form. Explosions heard from another coast.
2002: First play produced. Five minutes of hilarious. Chasing that bitch ever since.
2003: Breathe.
2004: More plays. More acting. More everything. More! More!
2005: I am a fundraising professional. Is that not grand? Last cigarette.
2006: NYC. After one visit.
2007: Crosstown Playwrights. 2ST. Much to do, much to see.
2008: Buy me a drink.
2009: NYNF and…?

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robertaBWRoberta Colindrez – is but a wee lass. In fact, she feels like just yesterday she was packing up the u-haul and moving her life to New York City. You see, Roberta was born a mutt in 1986 in Monterrey, Nuevo Leon, Mexico to a hard-ass Argentinean mother and the cutest Honduran father ever. It was there Roberta established her lifelong dedication to silent observation- fully participating in parades for schools which she didn’t attend, hanging around groups of people she’d never really talk to, and doing her best to not laugh audibly all the while. But then her family moved to AMERICA. Houston, Texas where she refused to go to school as much as possible until the police had to come a-lookin’ for her at her house. So she went. Every single day from 2nd to 10th grade, when she started skipping alot. In the 4th grade she had sex-ed class in which she pretended to know what all the other girls had already been gossiping and bragging about doing for the past year. The boys were given a condom and she a maxi pad, which she actually used in an act of desperation years down the awkward road to womanhood. In late elementary school, her family again moved. This time to Austin, Texas where Roberta discovered performing. An immediate and irreplaceable relationship began. And so she went on to college and there experienced everything a young girl should. Drugs, sex, music, theatre. Also she received a BFA in Acting. It was awesome. Once graduated, she left behind the easiest and most pleasant lifestyle in Austin and moved to the big apple thing. It wasn’t awesome at first, and then for a while more. But then! Then she discovered the Neo-Futurists and reconfirmed her mission in life. She auditioned, and was accepted. And is now here writing this bio and is f&^%ing thrilled to be doing so! This has all happened in less than one month. How time flies…

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KatyMayBWKaty-May Hudson was birthed around the same time as the Moonwalk, on the sunny shores of Sydney Australia; The land of Jacaranda trees, exemplary gun laws and the forward facing fanny.

Katy-May’s performance career began at 2.5 years of age, when she would wait for her grandmother, Bertha-May, to head to the b’room. It was then that KM would nefariously acquire the somewhat immobile BM’s walking apparatus, and assume it as a microphone for her story re-tellings and recitals of little known song/dance routines. The greatly immovable BM would sit and gaily applaud as a singular audience member, much to the delight of junior KM, sometimes for hours. Or at least until a family member returned home to relieve her of this duty.

It was during this time that KM was given the nickname ‘Sarah Bernhardt’, (Sarah Bernhardt, the great one-legged French stage actress of the 19th century, not to be confused with Sandra Bernhard, brassy, stand-up comedian) and also developed a fondness for misappropriated props, gaudy theatrics and melodramatic deconstruction.

For more on KM: www.katy-mayhudson.com

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Christopher Loar – has performed and presented work at such places as The Ontological-Hysteric, New York Theater Workshop, The Public, The Bushwick Starr, Manhattan Rep, The New York Clown Theater Festival, The Chocolate Factory, The Bowery Poetry Club, The Brick, FringeNYC, The Tank, Tribeca Performing Arts Center, The New York Downtown Clown Revue, Emerging Artists Theater, The American Theater of Actors, and Chashama. He trained at Circle In The Square and RADA. His play Airport was published in The Best Plays from the Strawberry One Act Festival, Book IV. Christopher is also a turntablist DJ who gigs regularly around the city.

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CecilBWCecil Baldwin –  can cure his pathological speech impediment through confidence alone. Cecil wears a large oven-mitt suit to work and is risky, risky, risky. Cecil doesn’t even care about the money but he does take part in joyous dance numbers. Cecil will destroy your brain with a silver fire extinguisher before you even know what he’s up to. Cecil’s Boston accent could be described as “shaky at best.” Cecil probably wouldn’t ride a public bus in L.A. either. BLAM—Cecil’s gonna knock you out. Cecil (son of Cecil, son of Cecil, heir to the Baldwin throne) finally returned that ring he carried around, like, forever. Cecil looks killer in a bob haircut and bugle beads. Cecil is almost positive he did not imagine winning that Nobel Prize for Economics. Cecil wonders, “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?” Cecil prizes his collection of Nazi tableware and video-recorded garbage caught in the wind. Cecil, doff thy name, and for that name, which is no part of thee, take all myself. Cecil’s heart will go on, and on, and on…. Cecil has been known to convalesce overlooking the rolling hills of Tuscany. Cecil’s rallying cry makes you forget the fact he’s wearing a plaid skirt. Cecil wishes he could turn into a bird and fly far, far away. Cecil’s little, red raincoat still couldn’t save him in the end. Cecil thought he was dead, but later found out he was just in Nebraska. Cecil puts the lotion in the basket, or else he gets the hose again. Cecil keeps putting his fingers on his head like horns and showing you his butt. For goodness’ sake, Cecil just wants to go to the Piggly Wiggly! Cecil illegally counts cards (but it’s totally fine, ‘cause he doesn’t really know what he’s doing anyway). Cecil just wants to know what’s happening on the other side of that damned wall! Cecil humps three clicks to find Charlie—but finds himself instead. Cecil is not from Mother Africa, but he will one day return to her. Too many notes, Cecil, too many notes. Cecil will always be laughing through the tears, not the other way around. Cecil will walk all the way to the sea if he has to. Cecil will only run in slow motion. Cecil is everyday people. Cecil calmly makes french toast…. Yummm, french toast.

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CaraBWCara Francis

I was at this bar. And this girl in the seat next to me kept screaming “Why do I keep hearing my name?” and then “It’s Tiffany.”

We were the only two in the room.

My name is Cara. I am interested in writing a revealing and personal bio for you to read.

But I wrote most of this bio late at night. And darkness makes me paranoid.

Makes me too afraid to inform you of my coordinates.

Or motivations.

Or secret liking of you when you look determined.

Anyone is beautiful when they look determined.


Even evil people.

Sometimes I am evil people.

Sometimes I run amuck in Brooklyn!

This also usually happens at night.

Right now it is morning. And I am finishing up this bio with relatively little at risk.

So I feel free to tell you that I have never been to Portugal. And I am not there right now. I am somewhere else, maybe performing “Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind” at the Kraine Theatre. In the East Village. On East 4th Street. Below the KGB Bar. I’m the one with the imaginary manila envelope full of damning personal or interesting mission-related information.

Are you watching me? Then why do I keep hearing my name? It’s Cara.

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NicoleBWNicole Hill – is in a current state of gestation, she’ll have to get back to you on who she is… In the interim please enjoy a biographical song from the cocoon while you wait…

Such a sober intoxicant, me…

I once walked a straight line down a crooked path while touching my nose to the glass half empty I’d just drunk fully after narrowly breast feeding the entire village it took to raise me, the child who’s got her own…

I’m a gal with great gams, leglessly spiral dancing this straight line down juxtaposition’s pole. Stuffing “dollar-dollar bills yo” down my own damn g-string, making change ere I go…

Yeah, I’m a 150 ft. baby doll and as such, yeah you can see up my dress. I’m bodacious and shy and anatomically correct (although it has to be said I’m in possession of parts with dust on ‘em.) . I once made a daisy chain for my hair out of prepubescent school girls but it didn’t look nearly as cool as I thought. The meaning of life discovered me but I wouldn’t consent to the 25% commission… I still freelance.

Oh I’m a competition stilt runner, it kind of runs in the family I adopted… I test mustards for their inherent twang, a gig I picked up while at the Grand ‘Ol Opry. I’m the super hero, Epiphany Girl, I swoop down when indecision and stilted thinking takes hold and with the fervent fluttering of my lashes the clouds part and the subjects of my ministrations have a delightful “ah-ha” moment that I beautifully underscore utilizing this small synth that I keep hidden beneath my cape. And when people are on tenterhooks I assist them using this clever little extraction device kept wedged in my cleavage.

This may be TMI but what the hell, I poop multivitamins… Unless I’m under the weather and then well, I ooze this fizzy vitamin C concoction that tickles like hell… What can I say, I never get colds but I’m very prone to getting the hots…

If we ever go down and you and your peeps want to know the score, you should stick with me, cause for better or worse I’ve got the black box. I know more than I care to… And as a rule I care more than I know how to quantify…

And I’m happy as hell to have my new NY Neo Futurist smell…

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ColinBWColin Summers HAS A MUSTACHE.

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MikeBWMike Puckett – Mikhail Puckettovich “Mike Puckett” was mistakenly unfrozen by the KGB in 1978 as part of a short-lived program exploring the weaponization of woolly mammoths. Luckily, being over 5,000 years old had been decriminalized 3 years prior as an April Fool’s Day prank (they celebrate April Fool’s in Russia, right?), and Mike was made a member of the intelligence agency. During this time he participated in numerous experiments and operations, and can be unofficially credited with pioneering over half a dozen new sandwich recipes, revolutionizing the art of kicking open doors, and inventing the tooth camera. He is most famous for his formation and 3-year leadership of the world’s first houseplant assassination squad. Ironically, this would lead to his downfall. In 1985, a botched attempt on the life of Ronald Reagan’s favorite ficus caused Mike to be disavowed from the KGB.

Now that Mike was stuck in America with no friends or family, a 23-year-long* montage ensued. Some excerpts include (in no particular order):

-Mike goes to his first nightclub! (“The Bad Touch” by Bloodhound Gang)

-Mike rides a bike on the West Side Highway! (“Born to Run” by Bruce Springsteen)

-Mike wrestles a wolf, inspires Liam Neeson to do the same! (“Ace of Spades” by Motörhead)

-Mike goes to his first American grocery store! (hilarity ensues) (“Lost in the Supermarket” by The Clash)

-Mike hitchhikes his way out of DC, gets stranded in Pennsylvania. (“Dueling Banjos” by Arthur Smith)

-Mike gets ready for a first date!  (“Paint it Black” by Rolling Stones)

Finally, in 2009, Mike got tired of hijinks and shenanigans and decided to do something serious with his life: acting school. So he went to New York University, where he trained with the Atlantic Theater Company for 3 years. There he was taught by the wonderful Jacquelyn Landgraf, who inspired him to see Too Much Light for the first time. Mike left the theater absolutely astonished; he had found his artistic calling! This was the reason he had traveled through time! He spent the next 2 years hanging around the Kraine Theater until the New York Neos let him join the ensemble. And that brings us to the present. **

*Fortunately for Mike, some science stuff happened to him when he was frozen, causing his body to stop aging. Some scientists believe this is why he still appears to be in his 20s.

**That last paragraph is true. Mostly.

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ConnorBWConnor Sampson

Guided Meditation:

1.) Find a comfortable position. Preferably laying down.

2.) Relax your mind and your muscles. Close your eyes if you like.

3.) Play some sweet jams. If that makes you nervous cause you’re not a music person, just know that nobody is here to judge your taste, but you might want to ask yourself why you feel nervous in the first place.

4.) Let your mind wander.

5.) Notice your wandering thoughts.

6.) Where do they come from? Find the space in your mind where your thoughts originate.

7.) Did you find it?

8.) No? Keep looking.

9.) What is making them? I don’t get it.


11.) Turn off “Showtunes Radio” on Spotify. There’s neighbors.


  • ConnorOnnorNnorNorOrRIn summation: Connor honor nor nor or are.Two Truths and a Lie:– ConnOR OFTEN ACCIDENTALLY HITS CAPS LOCK.- Connor is spelt connor.–>The arrow points to the lie.

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MegBWMeg Bashwiner

30 Megs in 60 seconds
  • Meg is a second daughter of a second daughter.
    Meg is a sister.
    Meg is vaccinated.
    Meg is a three letter word.
    Meg is an intricate and temporary whiskey glass.
    Meg is allergic to most things.
    Meg is an exceptional driver.
    Meg is a smoker quitter.
    Meg is a lover of fine cheeses.
    Meg is a swimmer.
    Meg is a maker of delicious meatballs .
    Meg is an aries.
    Meg is a writer.
    Meg is a person who talks on podcasts.
    Meg is an avid fan of sleep.
    Meg is a word that rhymes with egg.
    Meg is from New Jersey.
    Meg is in love.
    Meg is shacking up with her boo in Brooklyn.
    Meg is taking the moment.
    Meg is making the most of it.
    Meg is 90% water.
    Meg is a person who fears change.
    Meg is short for Megan.
    Meg is a person who falls down… a lot
    Meg is a registered democrat.
    Meg is gem spelled backwards.
    Meg is terrified by snakes.
    Meg is going to do a show for you.
    Meg is a Neo Futurist.

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Yolanda is making things happen. That apparently does not mean her bio at this current moment but take our word for it, she rocks the casbah.

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Rob Neill – lives and works in Manhattan, mostly. In 1995, Rob went part of the “Roanoke Expedition” of Neo-Futurism to do “Too Much Light” in New York. He did the show there, in Manhattan, for basically 2 years before he went on to do a bit of Broadway, followed by some short bits on the TV. Then he mainly traveled about the country on a “writing grant” from Heineken—those days are behind him now.

Grand times Rob has had include: training in London and catching a lot of shows there, competing on the Chicago Green Mill team at the ’95 National Poetry Slam in Ann Arbor, Michigan, living next to Marilyn Manson, tooling about a variety of the cities of the world attempting to find beers that he thinks taste nice, learning about blues and contras in Grinnell, Iowa, holding Julianne’s hand one fine day in May, snacking on Okonomiyaki with his cousins off an alley in Kyoto, and dancing on the top of world as the big band made it swing.

And now he is probably back at TML somewhere in New York, and this site should give you some clue as to where.

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Ashely Brockington

Ashley is proud to say that she is susceptible to cults and that she learned to read watching Sesame Street because her parents were busy. She knows where the Fountain of Youth is and bathes nude in its waters every full moon. She will never tell you where it is. It’s in New Jersey. Not sure where she was born, Ash remembers crisscrossing the country with her older sibling and thinking that airline stewardesses (in the 70’s, that’s what they were) were the most beautiful people on earth. She knows now that the most beautiful people on earth are the Neo-Futurists.

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Shelton Lindsay

I grew up down the street from a morgue in a cul-de-sac situated in a forest that was more like a Swamp. It was my kingdom, I was its prince, some times princess and always potion making witch. Little has changed since then. I’m ok with that.

Right now as I’m typing this, its raining. Its march, its washing away the snow. Is it raining while you are reading this? Is the earth covered in snow? Are pandas and polar bears still a thing? How much has the world changed since I wrote this and you began reading this…. Who knows. How many thoughts have we had, how different are we both from this day in 2015. Maybe we are going to meet soon. Maybe we are both single, maybe we will fall in love, or become best friends, share a hug, hold hands, kiss once drunk in a club. THERE IS SO MUCH POSSIBILITY FOR US. I love you, you are beautiful, let’s walk the streets and sing together.

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Kyra Sims

West of Somewhere
You are standing in a room. Or sitting. Or outside. There is a website here. Exits are: OUT

{EXAMINE website}

The website is for the New York Neo-Futurists. It is gray and smooth and informative. There are words here. There are pictures here.

{EXAMINE pictures}

You see many pictures. Pictures of beautiful faces. Each picture is unique. Each picture has its own story. Each picture waits with bated breath to tell you its own, special, beautiful story.

{EXAMINE words}

Words fill the length of the page. There is a recipe here. There is a list of Best Actress Nominees here. You wonder about the people who wrote them. They wonder about you.


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Alex Vlahov



– Charlie Chaplin hated it here.

– Look up the Fremont troll. Not the statue in Seattle

– There is a Secret Sidewalk. The county covered an aqueduct with cement, so this path just starts and ends in Niles Canyon. I’ve never gone, always too nervous. Apparently it’s an “urban explorer” thing now. Oughta be a park.

– I have never read Kite Runner.

– There is a large Afghan population, which means I ate a lot of bolani growing up. And, on a separate note, Burger King. The Burger King I am thinking of is now gone.

Email me (click below) your own hometown facts that aren’t on Wikipedia, and I’ll use them in a Too Much Light play!

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